Welp!

Me: relationships are way too much work.
Jared, upon reflecting on this: then why don't you just be single, like me?!

Yes, 10-year olds are very wise indeed.

#Smartass

Spring break is almost upon us.

Me: Alex, where do you guys want to go for spring break?

Alex: basement!

Me: um.... No?

Alex: I hear it's both entertaining and affordable. 😀

Me: &@$%¿!!!!

Me: no, you are not spending the ENTIRE spring break playing games.

Alex: but mom, think of all the money you'd save..........

He's A Silver-Lining Kinda Kid?

Alex, coming back from walking Sammy, said: It's raining ice outside!

Me: That's called sleeting?

Alex: Well, worse than sleet. It looked like I was covered in dipping dots.

It's all a matter of prospective

After our annual school supply shopping trip, I commented on how expensive school supplies are. Alex made a face and claimed that this was to make sure he was getting a good education. :-/

And...

Alex: I'm sure Christmas was more expensive.

Me: oh don't worry, it doesn't have to be!

Alex, with a big mischievous grin: ah, but Christmas is motivation....

............

He's got a point

In trying to find this one structure above ground that my dad saw and was determined to find, meandering thru the ever confusing underground PATH in Toronto (I'm sure it's not for the natives), we were hopelessly lost. Having no sense of direction didn't help the matter any either... So I stopped in the security office to ask for directions. (Apparently no one else that works in the various shops in the PATH even knew what I was talking about and all unanimously referred me to security. W.t.f.)

Anyway... So adorably stereotypical, everyone other word out of the security guard's mouth was "eh." Didn't help the matter that Jared was wearing a touristy t-shirt that says "Canada, eh."

As soon as we left the security office, both kids started mimicking the guard and adding "eh" to everything they say.

That is until Alex stopped abruptly: "Canada has eh, in America we have "like" and "ummm". Umm... Right? Like this is how we talk and like, umm, let's not find this place and like, let's get outta here."

Fair. Point.

You can imagine what the conversations were like after that.... To make matters worse, Jared added in the valley girl accent... So if you were in Toronto last week and saw a bunch of Americans (Chinese looking of course, though I dunno how one can tell we were Americans) walking down the street talking funnily and laughing their heads off , that was probably us. Oops.

Why Did I Bother...

Me, upon hearing little footsteps: what are you doing?

Jared, in a hushed voice: I'm being invisible.

Then promptly disappeared.

Not All Apps Are Created Equal

Having 2 boys, I am finally more accustomed to the talk of bodily functions. Sorta.

Jared: My poop is sick.

Pause.

Me: uh... thanks for sharing, but um, would you care to explain why you think your poop is sick?

Jared. Well it says it's 10% happy, 20% sad, and 100% ill.

Me, exasperated: Who's this "IT?" Your poop talks to you now?

Jared: You know I've been taking care of my poop!

Me: No, um can't say I have.

Jared: You know that game where you take care of your poop?? It says it's happier outside.

Oh that dreadful app game!

Me: Well everybody poops, so they say.

Jared: This is true. Look at my poop, it seems to be doing better now. I love my poop.

Me: oh no no, I don't need to look at your poop. Really. Thanks for offering.
................

It's surprising how many of my blog posts end with "......................"

He Is Full Of Surprises!

Jared didn't want to learn how to bike. I don't know why, but he has always protested vehemently that he does not, and will not, learn how to ride a bike, thank you very much. And that was that.

Today, he came home and decided that he would go outside and play, to my surprise. These days, going outside is like asking them to dance across a fire pit... Anyway... 10 minutes later, he yells out: Mom, come out. I have something to show you!

There he was, on the bike, riding it all by himself. :-O

He sat on the bike wobbly but grinning triumphantly: I taught myself how to ride the bike! As he nearly bulldozes into a neighbor's parked car... He spent the next half hour practicing on his own, and by the end of it, he was very much at ease on it.

Yes, it's pride you hear/read in my voice. My crazy, adorable, smart, and now, determined, kid. Yes, in that order.

Girls!

In keeping up my "annoyingness" I ask my children questions that I know they would roll their eyes at me, but I ask them anyhow. :D

Me: Soo... Jared, are there any cute girls in your class?

Jared: MOM!

Me: What??? Are there?

Jared (who is turning 10 in less than a week!) sighed loudly: Girls talk a lot, and they are high-pitched. VERY high-pitched.

ok.... 1 down. 1 more to go.

Me: So Alex... are there...

Alex puts up a hand: shh... Mom. No. Not talking to you.

................ How rude!

And Here I thought They Don't Listen When I Talk...

Imagine Dragons' "It's Time" is playing in the car:

"I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am"

Jared: Well duh, of course he won't change. He's a man!

Me: uh.......

Jared: Mom, you said men don't change. Ever.

Oops. :D

The Joy, or Suffering, of Having Boys

So it snowed again! (Dear snow, please go away, you have worn out your welcome 5 snowfalls ago. Thank you. And goodbye! Take a hint, any hint!) Ok I'm back, had to get that out of my chest first.

Alex took Sammy out for her last walk before bed time. I decided to tackle the dishes I'd been trying to turn a blind eye to all evening. *huge sigh*

I hear the front door. The kids are back, I thought. Not surprised at the short walk. Next thing I know.... The back of my neck was attacked by something that made me swear in languages I didn't know!

I whirled around and was faced by Alex holding the foot long icicle! He has the biggest grin on his face and proudly announced that he had to break off the tip of the said icicle so he wouldn't stab me and hurt me when he shoves it inside my collar.

How. Very. Considerate. So I promptly encouraged this ridiculous behavior by taking a picture of it. Gah!

Genetics, Why Fight It?! I think.

While preparing his oatmeal this morning...

Jared: Mom, so am I going to be a nerd-geek then?

Me, pause: uh... well baby, you decide what you grow up to be. If you choose to be one, you certainly can.

Jared: But I mean, you are a nerd, and dad's a geek, so....

....................

Logic, can't beat it. Or rather, genetics. Maybe.

It's Happening. Already.

We had a big day planned ahead. Well, more like a day with an ambitious goal—to move the rest of the office furniture downstairs and REALLY set up the basement to be the little men's cave that it was shaping up to be. The little men were very excited, needless to say. Especially since the bigger one of the 2 little men, the one that's bigger than me, is having friends over tomorrow, and anticipating a day of WOW.

Of course I get to do all the brain work in this endeavor, i.e, figuring out where everything goes, because there is a very inconveniently located beam support smack in the middle of the basement! #$%@!! Anyway.... I digress.

Alex: Mom, let's get started.

Me: Dude, I just got up! I'm sitting and relaxing for a bit.

Alex: You just got up, so why do you need to relax?

Me: ................

Standing my ground, I refused to budge, propping my feet up on my knee chair where the knees are supposed to go, looking very smug.

Alex, decided that action was better than words, put his hands on my shoulders, and proceeded to STEER me, on the chair, towards the office!!!!

So I'm being pushed around on a wheeled chair, by my son. Already..... I should cry!

In All Fairness

I went to tuck Jared in for bed tonight, and was greeted at the door by a lightsaber...

Jared, looking menacing behind the lightsaber: You shall not pass!

Then grinning broadly, and produced another lightsaber from behind his back: Unless you fight me that is.

And this... is what I got...

Democracy is Overrated

I spoke too soon couple of posts ago, when I mentioned that I work so close to home now. That was short lived. All of 6 months of working close to home, and I had to go get myself a job that is even further than that last one! boooooo

So in order to avoid the terrible congestion that is the DC Metro area traffic, I had the choice of doing 8-4 or 10-6. In the spirit of democracy, I put both choices up for a vote with the boys (thinking they wouldn't care either way, I had already canceled before school care for Jared...). Not being a morning person, I was definitely for 10-6.

Jared: Well whatever you want to do is fine.

(My sweet baby!)

Alex: So... that means you won't be home until what? 7? or after?

Me: Well, yes. Most likely no later than 7. (trying to sell the idea)

Jared: wait, what?

Both of them uniformly: 8-4!!!

waaahhhhh

I Shall Go Directly To Bed!

It wasn't my day! Well technically, it wasn't my night. The day was just fine. Everything was just fine until...

I tried to change the UV bulb on the external fish tank filter, then my day somehow took a dramatic turn for the worse, until I hit the very very bottom, when I finally gave up and decided that there was only one thing to do—I shall go directly to bed, and stay there, until whatever the f*uck this was had passed. Yes I know it's a terribly rambling sentence, but it was that kind of a night.




So I got a new UV bulb for the filter to replace the old dead one that I had never had to change before. Upon a not-so-close inspection of the filter, I decided (terrible decision!) that I would just risk it, and open up the filter as is, not seeing any real stopping mechanism, other then unplugging the filter, which I did. Bad decision. Really bad decision. As soon as I opened it, gallons of water came out of the filter and I couldn't stop it no matter what I do! Then I realized that it was still fully functioning as a filter, even though the power was off. Therefore, it literally was taking the water from the 55-gallon tank and, well, casually dumping them onto my floor. I had this horrified vision of water seeping through the floor and onto the ceiling in the basement, dripping at first, then slowly turn into a giant pour, onto the kids, and their computers... Panicking, I yelled for the kids to come rescue me, that I had done something terribly bad, that the house will be collapsing if they don't come up at once! They rushed up, and... started to laugh...

1/5 of my tank was now empty. You do the math. And they are laughing!

Fast forward a half-hour, and a dozen towels and a wet vac later... Taking a careful, but somewhat relieved breath, I decided (I should have learned my lesson by now that decisions were not my forte tonight, but no...) that I would go ahead and clean the filter while I had it all apart, and that I would switch the filter around with the salt water tank filter. This, of course, involved emptying out the hang-on-the-back filter that was on the salt tank. You see where this was going, right? Yep, I managed to make my second mess of the night. The plug/motor part of the filter fell out, and out poured all the water that was in the reservoir. At least it was just that. I comforted myself.

Another several towels later, I embarked on the task of refilling both of the tanks. The mess followed along: I left the 5-gallon bucket to fill with tap water (cuz it takes forever to fill!), and went to clean up other parts of the family room that was by now disrupted by the flood, and... forgot about the bucket, until I heard splashes! From the kitchen counter onto the floor. Rushing back into the kitchen, I tried to pour out some of the overflowing water, managed to knock over the remaining open bottle of diet coke sitting on the counter, without its lid screwed back on, an earlier bad decision of mine, clearly. By now, even I was laughing. Maybe out of hysteria, but still. I gave myself credit for being able to laugh about it...

Taking the really full and really heavy bucket back to the tank, I started to pour the treated water back into the tank. Normally, I'm pretty good with this, but apparently not tonight. Water flowed over the back half of the glass canopy, and... out it went onto the wall and hit the floor, again. And I hadn't secured the filter pipe enough to the inside of the tank, so the tube floated away leisurely, to the bottom of the tank.

That, was when I decided (my first good decision of the night!) that it was time to go to bed. IMMEDIATELY.

I Should Really Get Up, But I REFUSE!

It is winter and it is cold and dreary out. Sooo hard to get out of bed in the morning! It doesn't help that I'm usually up until 1, 2 am either. :-/ But I have a perfectly legit reason (excuse) for that. For at least the past 2 months, it's usually 10:30 at night by the time I get to sit down and relax finally. And of course I HAVE TO wind down after I sit down, and cannot go right to sleep. Winding down takes time. Lots of time apparently.

What I can't quite figure out is why I'm busier nowadays than ever that it would be 10:30 before I can settle in for the night? I mean, i work much closer to home now; kiddies are mostly self-sufficiet; no more needy bf to take up all my spare time; haven't been going to the gym as religiously as before (though I am trying to change that!).

I blame the dog. The kids. The house. The weather. And Candy Crush. Especially Candy Crush.

Wait... This Isn't Right!

Today, Alex turned 14.

Today was the last day of school before winter break.

Today he went out after school with his friend, again, being all grown-up like, wandering around town.

Today he went to a PG-13 movie without adults present, for the first time. *gasp!*

Today, he bought me something all on his own. No special occasions, no one told him to, and all because, he thought it would be nice. He got something for his littler brother too. And most of all, he picked out things that he knew we would like, with thought and care.


Earlier this week, Jared, armed with his $5, went to his school's "Kids Shopping Day" and came home with a ring for me! He told me, proudly, that it was adjustable too. (*sigh* One day you'll learn, kid. One day. But not too soon. I hope. :-/) Then he quickly followed with, "You should've given me more money. I used it all on the ring for you." So technically, I bought myself the ring, but who's counting...

Anyway... As I reflect on these 2 events, I realized that, sadly:

1. It was the first time any men (boy) voluntarily gave me a ring, and not asked for anything in return. (wedding ring, *ahem* discounted)
2. It was the first time any men (mini-man) spontaneously bought me a gift, with thought, and without it being a special occasion.

Either I've only dated really lousy men, or I raised my kids right! Only... this will just make some other girls very lucky. Wait a minute......

It's a Small World After All

I cannot believe it, aside from being taller than me, and weighing more than me, Alex is going to High School next year! My baby is baby no more. :'( I think his voice is starting to crack now too... Eeep! Way to make me feel old, kid!

I had promised him that when he graduates from middle school, we'd go somewhere where he wants to go, within reason of course. He did not let me forget that. (My poor parents really want to drag us onto the Alaskan cruise, but Alex is really not interested in that!) Anyway.... when grandma and grandpa brought up summer travels, his first word was, London... Really?? Why does a kid want to go to London, of all places? I mean, I would like to go, but what's there to attract a kid?

Alex: Well, Simon and Lewis are there.

Me: Who?

Alex: Yogscast

Me: Who?

Jared, exasperated: You know, the 2 most famous Youtubers. They talk about Minecraft!

Silly me. How could I not know that?! And just what they think the odds are they would "run into" those guys when they are in UK??? So I guess it's off to UK we go next summer. After all, a promise is a promise. :D Twist my arm...

Glutton for Punishment

Well, it's been almost 2 weeks since we got Sammy from the rescue, a beagle mix of indiscernible age.

It's been quite the adventure... We all had to learn about having a dog in our life and home for the first time, especially one from a shelter who was spayed the day before she was crammed into a van in crates of various sizes with a bunch of other dogs. She had surgery soon after we got her to remove a fast-growing lump on her neck that turned out to be cancerous. :-( Then the snow and ice hit, and we learned, well, she still had to be walked... Oh and today I gave her a bath for the first time! (Yay me!) Having never done that in my life, I managed to flood the bathroom, and getting myself soaked in the process. The fun continues...

All that aside, Sammy is sweet, gentle, mild-mannered, and quiet (rare for a beagle, I'm told). She is perfect for Alex, who just wants some quiet company, and nothing that requires him to move. And he loves her! The day we got her, Alex sighed loudly and said "FINALLY! We have a dog!" Apparently Sammy felt the same way, cuz she definitely prefers Alex to the rest of us. She gets all excited when Alex gets home, follows him around wherever he goes, and eventually settles herself right next to him, curls up and takes a nap. Match made in heaven.

Sounds almost perfect, no? Almost... She is possibly the pickiest eater I have ever encountered (even more so than Eric was, if that was possible!). Little miss princess does not eat dry dog food. Does not eat wet dog food unless it's made of beef or chicken, and has chunks of meat. Does not eat veggies other than mashed potatoes. Does not eat doggie treats, unless it's pure chicken or beef jerky. Does not eat cold food—it has to be slightly warmed up. And if she ate it yesterday, there is no guarantee she would today. If you try to hide her medicine in any yummy treats (read, human food), she would eat everything around it, and somehow manages to spit out the pill. :-/

W.T.F.

I knew my reasons for never having pets were sound!!!